Sandy Hook Touches the World

I haven't blogged in sometime, but in the wake of this tragedy in my own backyard I felt compelled to write.

My daughter attends sandy hook elementary school. I just switched her there in October. Thankfully for us, she attends the pm kindergarten session because she did not want to participate in nap time at her current daycare. She is five and did not have to witness the tragic events that occurred at her school just next door. I keep thinking what if....and I know that so many families are probably thinking the same thing but are not able to hear the laughter of their little ones. They will never hold them or tell them everything is going to be ok. So how dare I even think those thoughts when I can?

I have stopped thinking this way and have been trying to find something, anything good that could have possibly come from this.

So I have realized that people all across the world have come together. People we are or have been at war with, people who live on the other side of the world, but all in all just people. Mothers, fathers, grandparents,sisters, brothers, aunts and uncles, cousins,sons and daughters. We are all one of these things. We have all been born to a mother and father to exist on this earth. We all have something in common because we live. Race, religion, politics, whatever people think separate us from one another cannot separate us from the fact that we are all the same living, breathing beings. People in this world have united because they feel our pain, and that is a beautiful thing. 

In the wake of an unimaginable tragedy where the "bad" in one person took 26 lives the "good" in all of mankind has triumphed. There is good in this world and it WILL overcome evil!  All people can do in a circumstance that is unchangeable is react....that is the only real power we have and the response from the world has been amazing. These amazing families that have lost loved ones stand strong....even offering up compassion for the persons family that did this! I

Ghandi said, "The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong" I have never experienced such strength before. These families have lost so much and are staying strong. Being supported by all mankind. I am not a religious person, but, god would be proud.

So in the wake of madness the world has shined. Newtown and sandy hook have shined and have showed the world what strength and compassion really is. I am proud to live in such an amazing town.

If you would like to donate to the families of Newtown please visit
https://www.everribbon.com/ribbon/view/10076

Defining moments

I know its been awhile and soooooo much has happened in my life. To give you the cliffs notes version, I am now divorced and I am renting a small house not far from my former, much larger house. (I am pointing out the house size for a reason.) I have been working on my marriage for years but it takes two. In my case, when I was working on things, he was not interested. Now, 3 years later, he wants to work on things. I’m over it. You can only forgive someone so many times before you’ve had enough. I’ve been mad at myself for not leaving sooner but I left, non-the-less, and I’m proud of me!
Through this process, I was very scared. I am a licensed massage therapist but have been a stay at home mom for the last five years. My ex-husband took care of the money and I did the rest. So, without him, I didn’t know what I was going to do or how I was going to support myself and two children. Luckily, the state I live in realizes that could be an issue, so for now, I can get my act together and figure out my plan of attack!
I always wanted a nice house, who doesn’t, I didn’t want to worry about money, I always have, and I wanted to be able to stay home with my children. Sometimes when you get what you want, you realize it’s not all its cracked up to be.
I had the nice house, didn’t have to worry about money, and was able to stay home and raise my children. The thing was, I was lonely. The worst feeling in the world is being married to someone and feeling more lonely when they are around than when they are gone. Having everything and missing the times that you had nothing. I was raised in a small house and I just was never comfortable in the big one. I didn’t decorate, the walls were bare. It just reflected the emptiness I felt inside. I would rather have nothing and be happy than have everything and be miserable.
I was still nervous of making that move. Leaving the life I had for the unknown. But, in the midst of fear and anxiety, wondering who would help me, who is going to take care of me....I took care of myself! I was finishing putting my sons bed together and realized what I had done and what I am capable of. I took apart a fireplace, two really heavy wooden beds, moved all of it by myself, then put it all back together. So yes, my life has changed, it has been torn apart, but I am putting it all back together. I don’t need anyone to take care of me. I am very capable of doing it on my own. I don’t have the luxury of paying people to do things for me anymore. But I like that. I was so nervous about moving to a smaller house and how my kids would react, but it feels more like a home here than the big house ever did. I am finding myself in this process and appreciating my children and watching how they are handling all of this change. They are phenomenal! For example....
I didn’t have beds for them for the first week. I brought over their mattresses and had to put them on the floor....they were so excited! When they had nothing in their rooms, my daughter got all of her clothes and put them away in her closet and then did the same for her brother. She didn’t care that she had nothing, she was just excited to be here in her new home with her brother and I. I brought very few toys from the rooms of toys they are used to and they said they like it better. That they have to many toys and its a lot easier to clean up now.
Kids really don’t require a lot of things....just a lot of love and that is one thing I am overflowing with! I am so proud of them and of myself. This journey was much needed and I am seeing myself in a much brighter light. I used to get down on myself and feel worthless and now....I’m coming into my own and its the best feeling in the world!
I just wanted to share this incase anyone needs some inspiration. I know that sometimes things can look scary but once you take that plunge it could be the best thing you’ve ever done. So don’t stay in a situation that makes you miserable just because its comfortable....you never know what you could be missing!

The Green Monster

Its one of those mornings. I wake up at 8:30 and my daughter has to be to pre-school at 9. So the mad dash to get to school begins. I am dressed in half of what I slept in while I dig for anything for my kids to wear. Cutsie little outfits and pigtails are out and anything clean is what we’re working with. 
“Here kids, eat a muffin”, I say as I yank off their jammies and pull on their clothes. “Go potty, get shoes, we can do this!”
 We haul ass downstairs to the garage and pile in the car. Luckily I remember to open the garage this time and don’t back into the door.... again! I drive to the top of my driveway and feel off. I see that all of my neighbors have put out their recycling for tomorrow mornings pick-up and I still haven’t removed my garbage pail from the top of the driveway. Really?! Sometimes I am annoyed that my neighbors are so on top of things while I am rushing to get my kids to school on time. Yep, I’m that neighbor. Baseball cap, running shorts and a t-shirt, garbage still taunting everyone as they are forced to drive by my house, its the first one on our cul-de-sac. I wonder if they take bets on when I’m going to bring it back in. I would. 
Just one of those days, dreary and muggy, not my favorite combo. It is what it is. I’m up, made it to school on time and I’m going to get motivated and clean this house! Maybe I’ll wait on the garbage for now and let it sit and be the eye sore of the neighborhood. Ah, lone, ugly, oversized green garbage container... make mama proud! 


Hope your day is full of beauty!

Hope your day is full of beauty!