So this is it huh...from ms. to Mrs. and from hot to not. I guess thats why “stay at home mom” isn’t on that list of career choices that you get from your high school guidance counselor.
“You know Sally, staying at home with your children would be a great choice for you. Forget college, being a mommy is the way to go”.
I don’t know, the thought of it is a lot better than the reality of it, as are most things in life. Yeah, don’t have to go to work, stay home, play with the kids...that sounds awesome. Can I give it a job description...Why yes....I think I could give it a go.
Stay at home mom:
Must be able to work any and all hours of the day and night. On call all of the time, no paid vacation, holidays or sick days. Must be able to commit to at least 18 years of service or more if necessary. No training or support. The only support you do have will constantly undermine you and be given all the credit when they show up for an hour of work. You will be yelled at, thrown up on, pooped and peed on. Must be able to listen to loud noises for hours at a time. Must be able to lift from 2-60lbs. constantly. Must be able to multi-task. Candidate would be ideal if a third arm was available. Singing and dancing is a must while also being able to do arts and crafts, while cooking dinner, cleaning the house and if your really adventurous, taking care of pets. High school diploma isn’t mandatory but highly recommended. Familiarity with dora, sesame street and barney is also a plus.
Must be able to work any and all hours of the day and night. On call all of the time, no paid vacation, holidays or sick days. Must be able to commit to at least 18 years of service or more if necessary. No training or support. The only support you do have will constantly undermine you and be given all the credit when they show up for an hour of work. You will be yelled at, thrown up on, pooped and peed on. Must be able to listen to loud noises for hours at a time. Must be able to lift from 2-60lbs. constantly. Must be able to multi-task. Candidate would be ideal if a third arm was available. Singing and dancing is a must while also being able to do arts and crafts, while cooking dinner, cleaning the house and if your really adventurous, taking care of pets. High school diploma isn’t mandatory but highly recommended. Familiarity with dora, sesame street and barney is also a plus.
Please feel free to add your antics....I would love to hear them.
Seriously, who would say yes to that. But we all want kids....the big happy family. That, by the way is just an assumption. Maybe a lot of people out there will read this and be like, uh uh...I’m not doing that. But it seems that eventually, most women are like “awh, look at that baby, I want one”. Maybe there should be a service where you could just borrow a baby for a few weeks. See how it goes, then decide. I know, that wouldn’t work either because your all... “its not the same, it’s always different when it’s your baby”. Yep, it’s different. Your always nicer to other kids and yelling at your own to behave. You have to do the right thing in public. Yeah, were all posers. I know what your thinking. Seriously, every mom I talk to is like, “OMG me too. My kids do that all the time. It drives me crazy and I pray that the windows aren’t open so the neighbors can’t hear me let loose and scream at my children.” It’s ok, if we did hear you we would be relieved cause we have all had our moments.
I have to keep stressing, that I’m not speaking for every mom out there. I’m sure there is some perfect cookie cutter mom out there that is the perfect wife and mother. She never yells and is always calm and her children are perfect little angels. Hahahaha, no really, I hope there is one out there thats not on xanex or zoloft or whatever. I personally do not take any meds. but sometimes, I wish I did. Wine and I are long time friends. Always there when I need it. Doesn’t talk back or give me any crap. Just makes me feel all better after a day of...well anything really.
Not all days are bad, and yes, I am grateful to be able to stay at home with my children. Contrary to most of my previous statements and most of what I will continue to write. SO I apologize if I seem bitchy and ungrateful. I know a lot of mothers that would give anything to stay at home with their kids. But, ugh, sometimes you just need to get it out and bitch al little. So here I am....bitching.
My mom always tells me to write things down.... “You have to get it out somehow, so write it down, you’ll feel better” I have to agree with her. It does feel better, when I can do it. Seriously, that last thing I want to do is sit down and write when I could be enjoying my few free moments drinking a glass of wine and watching a mindless show of anything that doesn’t require me to think, or isn’t singing to me in spanish or teaching me the alphabet. I should get one of those beer hats and fill it with wine. You know, the ones that have the two things on the side of what kind of looks like a construction hat.
Yes, they are for sale
$16.99 Then your hands are free to do whatever! Carry kids around, do laundry, type on your computer. Come on ladies, the list is endless. ANyway, I feel like I’ve ranted and raved enough for one day. I feel like its a good start. Feel free to rant and rave back. I would love to hear it! Always remember, your not alone... someone out there is screaming at there kids too.
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