Lost and Lonely

Just feeling really down and lonely today. I’m not sure what happens but it seems like on dreary days like today, I just lack any motivation to do anything. My head is pounding and my face is hot. I did a lot this morning, brought my daughter to camp. Fought with my 2 year old as I begged him to sit in our jogging stroller so I could enjoy an outside workout. Nothing is enjoyable with a screaming toddler in tow. So, then we tried the gym. He refused to let me put him down but after walking with him and getting him to settle down, I was able to do 35mins of cardio and some chest and biceps. Maybe thats why I’m so lethargic, I just don’t know.

Did you ever just feel alone? Lonely, I guess is what it is. Surrounded by two beautiful children and 2 great dogs, why do I feel this way. It seems like when I am on a role and super motivated to find myself and write a book about all of my experiences I get a smack in the face. In one of my favorite books by Louise Hay she says that usually in the middle of trying to find happiness and love you’ll get pushed down over and over. Well, I feel it.

How do I get out of this funk. I know, music does it for me. Adele, Someone Like You is my choice today, thanks to Not so silent Mommy. I have decided to embrace this dark feeling with an array of sad love songs. I have been so hurt. I’m not going to push it away today. You have to be down before you can get back up again. Today is that day for me. I’m going to feel the pain and hurt and appreciate the times when I am happy. Just writing this is making me feel better.

I will have compassion for myself today and know that whatever I'm feeling is ok. I will not torture myself any longer. I allow myself to have feelings, good or bad, and I will feel them wholeheartedly.

So thank you to all that will read this melancholy piece that I have cooked up. I really want all of you to come on this journey with me, even when I am not so chipper and motivated. These are my true feelings and I thank you for allowing me to share them with you.