Damit Dr. Oz

This morning I went to the gym for the second time. I decided that the elliptical would be my ride of choice. So on I went to flip through the channels and I prayed I would find something interesting enough to keep my attention. Dr. Oz, woohoo, I never get to watch and usually I dvr it and try to fit it in whenever I can. Not today, I got a whole hour to myself. So of course, its all about sex over 40. That's all great and good but I’m not even 30 yet. I watched anyway just to see what I had to look forward to.

As they talk about the 40 year old vagina they also have a cadaver piece of one for our viewing pleasure. A very old one. I look around to see if anyone is looking at the unsightly crotch that is now taking over my screen. I see a few men scattered on the treadmills and a lot of women that are clearly well over 40 swinging on those gazelle pony things, but so far, no dirty looks my way. Then I hear an echo on my headphones. I feel a little embarrassed as it is with pictures of old wrinkly vagina's on my screen and now I’m worried that I have some kind of defective headphones and everyone can hear the dirty talk coming from my tv.

Nope. It’s not my headphones. I look to my right and see that there is a huge tv on the wall shouting out the profanities from the dr. Oz show. The older women are staring in amazement and I pray that the poor men are tuned in to something, anything on their tv that will save them from this horrific sight of sagging woman parts. If they don’t have it at home already, this is what they have to look forward to. It may paint to bad of a picture and some men may never come back from that one. It irked me a bit and I’m a girl! I had to flip to The Doctors. They were at least talking about sex, regular sex, for tonight! No age, no unsightly lady parts, just 40 tips to better sex. That's more my style.

 Thank you Dr. Oz for showing me the horror that I have to look forward to. Dry, sagging, wrinkling blah blah blah. No more, I’ve been scarred enough already. He also did a demonstration using a bowling ball as a penis and if you hit the bowling pins you had an orgasm. Then he had 2 bumpers that were our vagina's. He moved the bumpers closer as the demo went on to show what happens as you get older. The ball could not get to the pins! WTF! No Orgasm! Just kill me now. I don’t want to be around for that. I didn’t stay around to hear the “cure” if there is one. Once you start comparing penis’s with bowling balls, I have to draw the line. Dammit, I’ll just worry about it when I’m 40.

So to all my lady’s out there, good night and good orgasms!

p.s.- I hope I didn’t offend anyone with this. My apologies now... just in case!